Freedom is …

Since you’re here, I’m guessing you’re looking for freedom from something. Maybe you want to be free from anxiety. Or maybe it is depression, addiction, or suicidal thoughts that you’d like to banish from your life. #anxiety #depression #addiction #suicidalthoughts

Maybe you’d like to find freedom from pain or a debilitating medical diagnosis or disease, a toxic relationship, crushing debt, a destructive marriage…. There are so many ways that we feel constrained, trapped, or ruled by thoughts and feelings it would be impossible to name them all here. #destructivemarriage #toxicrelationship

And if we are honest, many of us have been taught to believe or have come to believe by lack of instruction or shame that these thoughts and feelings make us bad Christians. Many of us have been led to believe that “good Christians” never experience anxiety, depression, or suicidal thoughts. Or that if we are in a toxic, destructive marriage we are just supposed to suck it up because “God hates divorce”. Well, God does hate divorce because He is aware of the pain it causes – we’ve “divorced” Him a billion times over. But that you’re supposed to just suck it up and stay stuck as an emotional or physical punching bag is a lie. All of those are lies, by the way – distortions of the truth that Satan would use to keep us captive, paralyzed, and ashamed.

Let’s agree on something that’s true. None of these are God’s best or God’s desire for us. None of them align with freedom in Christ. And, for all people, including Christians, we will very likely experience some or all of these at some point in life. And God is still in the healing business. #healing #freedom

It’s interesting to me that few, if any, would suggest that a person is a “bad” Christ follower if they were diabetic, had high cholesterol, a heart condition, or contracted cancer. But all too frequently I hear people believing they are not “good” Christians because they deal with some kind of relational or emotional sickness. Can we be better? Does God want to help us be better? Yes, and yes!

The brain is just another organ of the body that is subject to a fallen, broken world like the rest of the body. Diseases, regardless which part of the body is affected came about because of The Fall and the introduction of sin and death and separation from God into the world. But just as with any other disease, healing is possible. Sometimes it’s medical or pharmaceutical interventions combined with cognitive, behavioral, and spiritual interventions.

If separation from God is the source of all maladies, the remedy is connectedness with Him and living and behaving in new ways that produce something different. Unfortunately, right living does not remove consequences for wrong living. Consequences remain. Moving forward, however, the thinking, feeling, and behaving part can be radically different with intentional work.

Our entire lives are a journey of increasing or decreasing emotional and spiritual health and connectedness with God – there’s no standing still because motionless equates to atrophy. The end goal is complete connectedness on the day of Christ’s return (and He completes it, read on). On that day, we will experience complete healing in every sense after seeking to follow Him faithfully. #spiritualjourney #healing #hope

We do not achieve perfection in this life. We can expect pain, trials, problems, sickness, and physical death. It’s a promise – this should not come as a surprise. Jesus says, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33 NLT emphasis mine)

Freedom is found in His peace. Trouble is found in the world. He has already victoried over the world that we still live in. So, it’s already and not just yet. That mysterious in between of the everyday battles and the truth that victory in Christ is already ours.

He gives us more insight to this peace that’s available in John 14:26-27 (NLT). The Holy Spirit, or the Advocate, is Jesus’ representative that is available to each of us. Jesus says through the Holy Spirit, he will teach us everything and will remind us of everything we’ve been taught. The Holy Spirit will bring us the gift of peace Jesus says He is leaving with us. And get this: “peace of mind and heart” is what he offers. Not the stuff the world offers (chaos, confusion, strife, anxiety, depression, betrayal, sickness, disease) – he says the world cannot give us the peace He gives. “So don’t be troubled or afraid.”

Easier said than done. I hear you.

Here’s what I know though: When I practice the presence of God; when I intentionally calm my mind to focus on Him, when I worship, when I soak my mind in Scripture and Truth, I’m much less inclined to be worked up about the stuff the world throws at me. I’m much less inclined to become consumed with worry. I’m much less bound to depressed thoughts and feelings. #practice #worship

Jesus knows, because he walked around in flesh and bones like us for 33 years. He knows all about anxiety, sadness, betrayal, broken relationships, and fear of the pain and death. He didn’t live free from negative human emotions, and neither will we. He knows. And He knows none of this has the final say. He has the final say. He managed by staying in close connection with the Father. It’s what he modeled for us to do in the same circumstances. #Jesus #modelemotionalhealth #modelspiritualhealth

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” (Philippians 1:6 (NLT))

We can experience glimpses of heaven and freedom here on earth by the grace of God through the Holy Spirit. And remember, that work is not completed until we see Jesus face to face. #heaven

Note: If you are experiencing any of these issues and need help, please reach out to a supportive friend, pastor, or Christian counselor who can help guide you to the freedom available to you. If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call or text 988. Hope and help are available.

When God Doesn’t Feel Good: The Antidote

Suffering doesn’t take a day off. Chances are, if it is not affecting you today, it is affecting someone you know. And when this is the experience, it can be easy to blame God. #suffering #pain #sorrow #grief #whereisGod

Blaming God for suffering might seem reasonable if we believe He is the one pulling the strings that control all things and people. I do things that God has absolutely not ordained – I sin. Because it would be in complete opposition to His Holiness to cause me to sin, it is impossible that God caused me to behave sinfully. I have personal choice. So it stands to reason that God doesn’t control the course of events like a puppeteer because He does not control me like a puppeteer. It’s not the other extreme either — He is not oblivious and uninvolved or uncaring. Somehow, He manages to steer the course of history from heavenly heights and perspective while allowing us complete freedom to choose. #HeisGod #freewill

Obviously, God allows suffering in the lives of people He dearly loves — the prime example being the extreme suffering and death of His own Son who was later resurrected. (And therein lies our hope.) And only for our benefit, not His own. So, I certainly cannot reasonably expect to be spared suffering.

As people of God, we will suffer. It is a promise. (John 16:33)

I can’t tell y’all how many times I’ve thought, “what’s wrong with those stupid Israelites … after all God has brought them through and done for them … how could they forget ….”

Well, I’m just like them. Maybe you are too.

We are forgetful. When we are in the middle of suffering, we often forget the multitude of times we experienced pleasure, blessing, and God’s favor. This present unpleasantness feels like it outweighs all the previous goodness, and even makes it hard to remember there ever was any goodness!

Trusting feelings is tricky. And often misleading. Therefore, God directed His people to erect memorials of His favor, deliverance, and blessings (Genesis 28:10-22, Joshua 4:1-8, 1 Samuel 7:7-12). Those memorials were intended to be reminders of His goodness, faithfulness, and love when things looked hopeless and felt very painful. God knew the good times wouldn’t last forever and wanted His people to have ready reminders. #reminders #remember #faithfulness

We can acknowledge pain, sadness, and grief without forgetting God’s faithfulness. We can be real and honest with God about our suffering. The key is turning toward God and recalling His faithful goodness in the middle of our pain. The Psalms model this beautifully. Psalm 77 and many others example how to be honest about suffering and verbally process it and recall God’s loving kindness. The psalmist does not minimize his hurt; he is honest with God about how hard and unfair it all seems. He also glorifies God by declaring His faithfulness — it is a reminder that this is not where the story ends. #honestemotions #tellGod #cryout

As people of God, it is essential that we too create memorials of God’s goodness and favor that are tangible and visible and retrievable when we encounter seasons of suffering. Here are a few ideas:

• Journaling is a great way to memorialize God’s goodness in our lives — something tangible to look back on and remember when the tides change. #journal

• Gratitude is another way of memorializing how God is presently providing even in times of great suffering. It can be very difficult to engage in these things when it feels like we are drowning in grief that feels all consuming. It is so worth it also. #gratitude

• Pray for God to show up in ways that remind you of His love and kindness toward you and then look for and expect them, record them#freewill and thank Him. #pray

• Worship Him in song – speak or sing the words of praise to Him. Even through tears, I cannot remain in darkness when I declare praise for God in song and word. The words we speak aloud and in our heads matter and direct our hearts to follow. #worship #speaklife

Let’s begin the practice of memorializing the goodness of God so we have that tangible, visible reminders of His incredible and undeserved favor and love for us. #memorials

Can You Hear Me Now?

Remember that commercial from the cellular carrier? It was kind of funny, but they were making point – we all want to be heard and it is frustrating when we do not believe we are being heard. Truly, this does not just apply to cell phones; I think “can you hear me now” applies to a lot of our experiences in relationship.

Don’t we all want to be heard and truly understood? Don’t we all want our voices and opinions to matter to those we care about? It’s really an essential quality of excellent intimate relationships – and I’m not just saying because I think so. I’m saying that because it’s backed by research (Bodenmann, Nussbeck, Bradbury, and Kuhn, 2018). Better yet, God says this is the model for great communication. #communication #listening #activelistening #couples

James 1:19 (NLT) says, “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

Can you hear me now?

It’s one of those verses people who have been in church circles for a while may have heard dozens of times. It’s perhaps so familiar, we rush by it without digesting it and figuring out how to put it into practice. So, will you indulge me with digesting this instruction in a new way? I think what James was saying here, and what couple research supports, is key and maybe a brand-new way of communicating for many of us. I know this was not taught in my house growing up!

So here we go, a few words at a time:

“Understand this” – please take this as truth and contemplate it, examine it, take it in as wisdom.

“My dear brothers and sisters” – who does this bit of wisdom apply to? He says DEAR brothers and sisters – first it is said in kindness and love, right? And it is for everyone.

“You must all” – this is an imperative for everyone, not subjective or optional. It is not a mere suggestion.

“Be quick to listen” – come with an attitude of eagerness to hear and understand what is being spoken. That means setting aside my response, my reaction, my opinion, my defense. Tune in to the words being spoken and the emotion behind them even if it is unspoken. Ask clarifying questions (without attitude and sarcastic tone) if understanding eludes. Seek to really develop a heart-level knowledge of what it is like to stand in the other person’s shoes. This does not mean we necessarily agree with the other, but that we value them enough as children of God to seek to understand them.

“Slow to speak” – take your time making sure they are understood well. Validate them (not necessarily agreeing with their position) by reflecting it back. Refrain again from defending, responding, reacting, or simply saying “I understand” because that usually means we do not understand, and we have not made the heart-level connection with what they are trying to communicate. Try to use the feeling words in that reflection that they are using or expressing.

“And slow to get angry” – When we are successful at understanding another at the heart-level, we will be slow to become angry. Why? Because we have set aside ourselves long enough to truly hear what is happening for someone else and not made it about me, my opinion, or being right.

Research supports this kind of listening, often called active listening, produces the greatest intimacy and feelings of being valued and heard and connected in intimate relationships. It’s effective in any type of relationship, but probably most important in a marital relationship. #intimacy #communication #activelistening

Bodemann, Nussbeck, Bradbury and Kuhn (2018). Journal of Family Psychology, 32(6). The power of listening: Lending an ear to the partner during dyadic couple conversations. doi: 10.1037/fam0000421