Getting Un-Stuck

Even if you’re not a science geek, you might have heard the following in one form or another:

An object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion

tends to stay in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.

- Sir Isaac Newton

This is known as the Law of Inertia. Inertia means something remains unchanged. According to this law, intervention is required to cause an immobile object to begin moving or to cause a moving object to change course. We are human beings – not objects – however, there is some truth in the Law of Inertia that can be applied to help us get un-stuck or make a change of direction.

If we’ve lived long enough, most of us occasionally find ourselves overwhelmed and stuck -- whether for a day or a season. Unfortunately, some people find themselves stuck for decades.

But take heart! Being stuck can be a detour; it does not have to be a destination.

The catalyst for change can begin with a simple shift in the way we think of things. Often, we believe that if circumstances would just change or other people would comply with our way of seeing things that things would be better – that I would be un-stuck. Well, that might feel true. But where does the power lie with those perspectives?

Other people, not me, have the power in that kind of thinking. How much power do we have over how other people think, behave, and treat us? That’s right – ZERO! We are often powerless over external circumstances. Does that leave us essentially stuck? No!

Anxiety tells us that if we can’t forecast tomorrow, assure the outcome with absolute certainty, and control the situation it’s going to be catastrophic. (Anxiety is a stinking liar, by the way). But what a terrifying perspective, right? Because if it’s going to be catastrophic, all of my energy – and potentially a lot of my should-be sleep time – gets dedicated to ruminating over how I will predict all possible eventualities, develop a plan for each and every one of them, control how others will play their parts and react, and fret over it all going absolutely perfectly. The result: exhaustion, frustration, and more anxiety OR we begin to avoid everything because we recognize our inability to actually control any of it. Guess who wins? Yeah, anxiety wins. Every time.

Depression tells us that the current situation is hopeless, and things will never change. That life as I know it is over and it will never get better. And if it’s never getting better, who cares, why try, and I might as well just eat a gallon of ice cream, binge on television, or sleep 20 hours a day. When I do those things, my fears are confirmed. Nothing has changed, it still looks hopeless, my friends are out having a good time, and nobody seems to even notice that I’m not ok. The result? Depression and acting depressed lead to – wait for it – deeper depression.

Marriage difficulties are tough because there are two people acting and reacting to each other, each usually believing that “not me” is the entire problem in the relationship. Typically, each partner walks into the office pointing a finger at the other hoping that the therapist can just change their spouse so everything will be ok. The reality is that both people have contributed to the relationship problems, and both need to work on themselves being a better partner.

For sure, inertia has set in when we are stuck in anxiety, depression, or marital discord. Someone wise once told me, “If you’re not growing, you’re dying”. I’ve come to believe that’s true – there’s no standing still. We are not objects, so Inertia results in deterioration. If we are not working intentionally on growing, we are regressing. So, if any of those sound like where you are today, it’s time to make some choices to get un-stuck. Or maybe you’re moving in the wrong direction and need to make a course correction.

Decide to think differently, tell anxiety to shut up, stop acting depressed, call a friend or family member to talk about it, decide to move your body rather than binge on ice cream and tv, and figure out what it takes to be a great spouse. If you’ve exhausted all of your ideas and resources, or have been struggling for a while, reach out for help.

You most definitely can get un-stuck. And help is just a phone call away.

Faith Over Fear

I’ve heard this mantra over the past couple of months. Maybe you’ve heard it too: facts, not fear.

At first it seemed comforting and logical. Yes, let’s arm ourselves with lots of facts, gather numbers and statistics, then make lots of scientific-sounding comparisons. I don’t know about you, but for me sometimes, the more facts I’ve gathered the more confused and fearful I’ve become.

Anyone?

The problem is that this situation is “novel”. Here’s how Merriam-Webster.com defines novel (adjective) in the context of medicine:

1 a: new and not resembling something formerly known or used

b: not previously identified

2: original or striking especially in conception or style

Honestly, I believe even the experts are dumbfounded. Their directives and decisions seem to change nearly daily. Not, in my opinion, because of deceit or incompetency, but because this thing is novel. They are adjusting to and incorporating new information as fast as they receive it. They have never been in this uncharted territory before either. So, when the experts change the narrative daily, and we are not receiving news of a certain and predictable future we want, we begin to spin.

So many people are understandably frustrated, and many have woven these facts, numbers, statistics into speculation that is not scientifically supported. I get it. We are all trying to make sense out of this novel situation. In an attempt to ease our fears and create a sense of control (and control is always just an illusion), we feel like we have to have answers. So, we start spinning – grasping and thrashing about mentally and emotionally trying to make sense of things, get answers we “need”, and achieve that illusive sense of control we want. And spinning is usually unproductive and leads to dizziness (confusion).

As a therapist, I’ve seen people who are usually well-grounded getting anxious, and anxious people getting down-right paranoid. While being informed is a necessary thing, we all need to be aware of when that search for answers turns into a need for control. When it moves from being informed to needing to control the narrative or predict the future, we’ve moved away from trusting God. It’s a delicate balance, for sure.

But here are a couple of things I am absolutely positive about. Are you ready?

God is still in control.

God is not shaken.

God is not taken by surprise.

And, to God, this thing is not novel.

Time after time when mankind has faced novel situations and just plain old everyday fears, God has been present and a comforter when He has been called upon.

Psalm 56:3 (NLT), “When I am afraid, I will put my trust in you.” This was penned by King David when he had been seized by enemies. I’m sure to David, things did not look or feel good or comforting. His words are some we can call upon and pray when the statistics do not make sense, numbers do not seem to add up, facts and propaganda feel overwhelming, the narrative feels untrustworthy, and we do not know what the future holds.

When I am afraid, I will put my trust (faith) in you. (emphasis and interpretation mine)

This requires a few things:

1. Believing that God is trustworthy; that His character is good, and He is for me and my good.

2. Recognizing that I am fearful/anxious/fill-in-the-blank.

3. Choosing to change my focus from fear to faith.

4. Decide to trust God. Making the object of my faith God’s character and goodness rather than what I see with my eyes, what my feelings might dictate, or what the circumstances might suggest – because all of those data points are less reliable than God.

We do not have to look very far in the Bible to find some novel situations where God showed up big time when people chose to put their trust (faith) in Him. I’m sure you can call up a few of those but if you’re drawing a blank, here’s a couple to look up on your own.

Genesis 17 - 21: Decades of Waiting, Promise Fulfilled (against all odds)

Exodus Chapters 1 – 14: People, Plagues, Pursuit, Passage (against all odds)

Luke 23 – 24: Death to Life (against all odds)

He’s a God who defies the statistical odds, over and over. Be comforted.

Looking for Something New?

COVID-19. The numbers are adding up, and as they increase, the intensity and fear can mount right with them. None of us living here in the industrialized world have ever experienced this kind of uncertainty and sudden loss. Everything that was typical is suddenly atypical.

If I listen to only the nightly news and my Facebook feed, the negativity and a sense of hopelessness can overtake and overwhelm. Many people are yearning for predictions that will tell us when this insanity stops, and things get back to normal.

Normal. What is normal, even? Is it “normal” to spend more time at work than we do talking to people we love? Is it “normal” to spend hours daily staring at backlit screens with fleeting images and anxiety-provoking talk? Has “normal” life led us to trust a job for identity, a bank account for security, friends for meaning, and a home for safety?

What happens when all of those things – in the span of a couple of weeks – suddenly seem like distant mirages?

I wonder if we have placed our ideals for identity, security, meaning, and safety – our hope, as it turns out – in things that are really of little lasting consequence?

What if identity, security, meaning, safety and hope come from a very different source? Maybe, just maybe “normal” needs to change.

World, turn your eyes from COVID-19 and toward God who has made everything from nothing and sustains it all with no effort whatsoever. That, friends, is where our hope comes from. He is God. From beginning to end, yesterday, today and tomorrow He never changes, never wavers, never turns His back.

Isaiah 43:13 (NLT), “From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch anyone out of my hand. No one can undo what I have done.”

If we keep hanging our hopes on things that can vanish so quickly, what kind of fools are we? And while all those things can, and may vanish, Jesus does not.

Today is a good day to decide to be all-in with Jesus. To acknowledge that in these tumultuous times we need someone to count on, someone who can save us. Because let’s face it. Nobody escapes this life with skin on – whether physical death comes from COVID-19 or an aged worn out body, we all physically die.

But there’s no need to die spiritually. And we can decide to live freer lives when we invest in gaining knowledge and closeness with the God who saves. So, is today your day? Will you decide today that the old “normal” has to die, that a new normal is necessary? One in which Jesus is the Savior and necessary ingredient for living hope-fully?

I hope that today is your day because I’ve made that commitment and it’s the most awesome thing I’ve ever done. He does not promise it will be easy, however He does promise He will always walk with us through troubled waters.

Isaiah 43:19 (NLT), For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.